Last week was a big wake up call for me. Having started doing sessions again I hadn’t realised how much the ‘scene’ had changed, which is pretty much in line with society in general. Everything is so prescriptive, it has sucked the life out of fun and spontaneity and indeed any kind of going with your gut and senses like people did when I first started doing all this. Of course safety is paramount and way before any sessions I set out in my email replies how it will work and my do’s and don’ts, without making myself too presbyterian, when however I dress it up it might be more sexual for some than others. One thing that remains constant though is consent, and not making assumptions about how the other person is feeling without checking in to see if they are OK at all stages, and whether or not they want to continue.

Sadly, I stopped acting like an adult in a session and let someone compromise me and try to use what felt like situational blackmail. I was confused, scared (which I guess he loved) but I chose the best of two bad options. Sure, I can fight and stand my ground if I have to, but it’s not something I expect to do in what is meant to be a fantasy role play spanking type event. Anyway, long story short, I took a lot more implements than I should have allowed and a whacking that totally upset me for a few days. One thing I never do though is to cry, only real me does that, and it’s not because of how hard someone hits me or how many strokes I take. Nobody should ever make it a battle of endurance or wills when they are sessioning with someone new. I can fake it when I have to, but not when I’m being me and I don’t have to act anymore, then sometimes words can make me cry too. That has only been with a very few people ever who I respect and trust to be in charge of me and discipline me when required outside of professional work.

Remember, in a professional session the spanking model or ‘performer’ is in charge, we decide when it stops, not you, and no amount of subtle mind fxxxing or pressure should take that choice away. You are booking our total time that has been allowed to prepare, have a social chat about the scene and rearrange afterwards. Once the agreed scene is finished that’s it, it can be under or over the time allocated. A session does not mean a one hour full on physical engagement. It is exactly the same in a non professional session too when people are getting to know each other in play, the bottom decides when it stops. It’s no different to getting your hair cut, you pay for the cut, and the hairdresser doesn’t make sure it has to take an hour.

Two days later I had to shake it off for another lovely safe session with friends and go back on stage, when I really wasn’t over it emotionally or physically. It ended well though and I was back to the real me once I got home but went straight to bed afterwards, but I am still angry at myself. As I write I’m more OK now but have retreated back to my safe place with my books and bears and just wanna be myself and only trust people I see as family to look after me. I ran away three or four times from the scene before because of this type of stuff, but I will try and stick it out now.

The world has changed since 50 shaders came in and there are people out who are not really pure spankos at all, but are looking for hedonistic and highly sexual scenes where they can control and dominate a stranger in a BDSM way. There are also lots of mercenary money grabbing ‘Only Fans’ sex workers too who graphically do everything, and clip on spanking as an optional extra. I think this fuels the expectation of those who want to book ‘spanking models’ and might believe this is part of the deal. There are more of them than spankos, and they have invaded the online space so much that I mute and block more than I can see in my feed these days. These are MY opinions and in my own blog so although I know some people will disagree with me, this is how I feel.

So, I’m sad to say that I have had to add the following notes to my terms as a professional.

“I do not take deliberate beatings, bruises or excessive marks, or welcome any attempts to turn it into BDSM Domination or anything sexual.”

Enough said, I will be fine and I’m writing happier things next!