Wow, what a difference a holiday, 18 months and two birthdays make! In my last post in December 2021 when we were still in lockdown I was tired, jaded, self-defeating prophesying ‘The end is nigh for me’ and generally running away again like the mixed up little girl I am most of the time. My collection of uniforms, implement gifts, memories and books had found their way to Mr landfill somewhere and I’m sure there would have been a few curious men from the tip wondering what kind of crazy girl does this! Guilty as charged, once again I own every change of heart and every mistake because how else do I grow up without a mazy path in my rear view mirror to hopefully look back and laugh at one day?

Anyway, fast forward to the crux and with a filter on my attempt at trying to be a smart Alice wordsmith, it is back to me, back to spanking, back to reality. I went on holiday with a vanilla friend, my first since 2019 and lockdown and had a wonderful time. No screens, no internet, no wasting my time second guessing what I want and need, just a long rest and lots of thinking. I have had some good friends around me the past couple of years, one in particular who helped me through lockdown and provided the occasional spanking, but my heart wasn’t in it and I didn’t know why. I knew it wasn’t working and I was not really feeling as I like to in a situation, nobody’s fault, just how I felt. I had convinced myself I hated spanking and the very idea of it, I had thrown my babies out of the bathwater with the most enormous tantrum, and dumped all of that on me again like I always do. It never occurred to me to ask myself if I was happy and if not why not, to wonder what I needed to make me happy in an ideal world, or to think that when things goes wrong I shouldn’t always blame myself and start apologizing for not being what the other person wants me to be when it might not be me.

My holiday woke me up, and I found the words I needed: Chemistry, Attention, Freedom, Excitement…yes, I need to create my own CAFE! It doesn’t have to have the best Barista, I don’t have to provide the beans and serve up cakes, but it DOES have to be fun, exciting and where I am giving and getting lots of attention.

Before my holiday, my good friend Lottie coincidentally got in touch after she had had a break herself and been through a similar loss of spanking mojo and wanted to get back out there again. She asked me if I knew of any spanking parties that were coming up. As I hadn’t been to one for years I hastily looked up a few I knew of, and passed on some details to her as well as some websites I had been on in the past that had helped find new friends. The ‘scene’ had changed though since I was last looking for spanking play partners. Some of the 50 shaders actually tried some of the things they wrote and read about before like they were experts, and a new generation of millennial and Zoomer spankers were out there posting impressive pictures of bottoms and writing about perfect spanking scenarios and scoldings! Spanking has become much more accepted in mainstream circles, even though it is still an acquired taste and always will be. A lot of the new ‘models’ post blurred face pictures, which is understandable since Only Fans has given them a safe platform to hide behind, and I say good luck to them! They can be proudly out there doing it, have fun, get attention, feel great about themselves and make some extra pocket money without nosey big brother making it a choice between work and play. My spanking interest was starting to stir again just by chatting to Lottie and others online.

I reached out to some long standing friends and we decided to pop along to a party. It was great to play again, even though my levels were that of a newbie again, and the F (freedom) in my ‘Cafe’ was starting to love being able to do this again like it was the first time. However, I was still in a close friendship with someone who I love as a friend, but felt like I could not see anyone else even though we ere not in a proper two-way relationship, and I was put off and not really into spanking anyway at the time. I realised that at the party when I felt guilty if I played with others too much, so I just pretended to be tired and got through it, I’m an actress after all so I lied. After my holiday though it all fell into place what I had to do.

I had always had the C (chemistry) in my ‘cafe’ with some people, and more so with a certain few, so I set up some sessions to see if I still had it, and with some new people to see if it still exists to be had! I wanted to be spanked properly, for real reasons, and to go back to school and rules and discipline that I still need as a teenager. I’m just 18 now in body clock and maturity years and I admitted I still can’t do this big grown up life acting stuff without regular domestic discipline. I am used to bedtimes, daily monitoring, internet limits, alcohol and food rules, weight, fitness, being polite and not cheeky, and making sure I’m safe and not reckless…amongst other rules middle/teenage girls have. So now for the next 5 years at least I’m back to me.

When I was standing in front of him fumbling my hands and skirt and making up excuses for why I had misbehaved I knew I would get the sound spanking and sore bottom he had promised me. As soon as he said those words disciplinarian spankers use “Right young lady, over my knee” I knew I was in trouble. I was spanked, slippered, caned, and strapped and even had a taste of the hairbrush and bathbrush to let me know these would be used much more now. I howled and kicked my legs and my bottom was bruised and sore for three days afterwards and I literally did sleep on my tummy for the first night. I was back in my place so I was told and I felt like I was, because that is where I am right now and need to be with grown ups.

Afterwards I agreed that I would have a think about him being my mentor again for a while and if so, that I would accept the rules and have regular maintenance and discipline check ins to make sure I was sticking to them. It is good to have someone who knows me well in my corner making sure I am safe and happy and making the right choices. It may well be that we make this more formal and I am once again in his charge but we will see.

And Now? I am still meeting others though, going to parties and having fun again. As I am single I am open to whatever comes up in future including something more lasting, but right now I feel very happy and am enjoying this again after a long time. I am not sure I want to be in a relationship with anyone right now or too exclusive unless I truly am happy and there is a lot more between us that matters and that takes time and is a lot of work usually!. I am not sure fairytales are going to ever happen for me either so now I have put my mind off of that, and have fun all the way, although under strict discipline to make sure its not too much! I’m still pretty teenage (not on paper though) but I am meeting anyone over 21 because there are a lot of strict men out there now with much more experience of spanking naughty girls than many of the older teachers. I look up to anyone who is maturity wise my superior and authoritative and that can be any age, its weird!. I never ask anyone to spank me I’m a girl and that’s not my job, so you will have to tell me (or try tee hee!).