A new year usually brings resolutions to change behaviour, and a lot of people set goals and promise to be good or improve themselves in some way. I used to do the same, and smiled when I saw a flood of middle aged gym goers the first week in January that, are no longer there 6 weeks later. In my case I decided last February (2025) that things had gone too far and I hated how I looked in videos and photos. Although I have an ongoing health battle, I felt like I had lost myself by settling for convenience and not sticking out for what I want for myself. That was the biggest lesson I learned, to put myself first and let other people work their own lives out. I can’t change people’s feelings or anticipate what might have been, nor can I feel sorry or obliged to people who should sort out their own lives and not think anything is going to last forever. I’m not responsible for or to anyone and hate compromising when I don’t have to at all. I am totally unselfish and sharing when I’m in a relationship, but I’m not and have been single through choice for a few years, so I need to be totally focused only on my own happiness in my own space and time. I heard a really good line on TV that made me think and said everything to me as a 2026 mantra. It was “You have to feel good about yourself to make room for other people”.

One year on from last February I’ve lost 10 lbs and I go to the gym three times a week pretty religiously, because I enjoy it. I had a wardrobe clear out and have started replacing some of my lazy life stuff with new outfits because I was starting to feel boring and dowdy just because I had let my life become that way through some sort of depression and unhappiness I didn’t realize I had fallen into. I am finding more time for myself again and gradually getting back into what I want to do with my life, instead of giving up my sense of adventure.

As I do when things get on top of me in the ‘scene’ I’ve taken a step back. I have started thinking about getting back to the things that make me happy and making the space and time for that, learning new languages, travelling to new places, and getting back into some sort of routine. Binge watching on Netflix has helped me find myself too, even though I’m up way past a sensible bedtime. My defense is that I get up later and work my butt off at the gym, so nobody can accuse me of being unfit and lazy, not that I’m answering to anybody at the moment but maybe that will change.

I am having a break from the scene in February and most of March to work on other things, including myself, so I wont be posting about spanking activity for a while. To fill in this time, I thought maybe I would post some of the Q and A’s I had answered in Fetlife in its ‘Ask me Anything’ feature. It might let you all into knowing me a bit better. Here is the first episode so to speak!

Q: Here’s a nice easy one to open with… How much do you like being spanked?

If i said “lots and lots, i’m insatiable” I may have an inbox full of messages! I can love it or hate it, need it daily regularly, or abstain for ages. It depends on who’s doing it, what connection we have, and what it’s for. If i feel obliged but don’t particularly like being spanked by someone technically, then I’d rather not be spanked at all. Role play, parties and professional 121s are much easier cos there’s less drama and I can test lots of people out!

Q: When you do this professionally what do you get out if it, do you ever get turned on?

I enjoy spanking and role play, and since I’m not in a spanking relationship with anyone at the moment, and don’t have a Mentor, I should at least get something out of it myself, right? Why would I want a complete stranger to spank me for nothing, if we have no connection outside of this? It’s a bit like no strings sex, both people have to get something out of it or what’s the point? And no, when I’m doing the occasional work I don’t get turned on, I doubt you do in your job either?. I do totally love my time with professional friends and enjoy our scenes and their company though or I wouldn’t do it at all, regardless of the original basis for meeting up. I have developed private friendships and spanking fun from meeting someone professionally first, it’s a good way to see how we get on.

Q: If you’re a ‘Middle’, what age are you?

So, I chose this label in Fetlife only because I’m not a little and even though I love my stuffies and lots of Littles things, I don’t wear diapers or speak in a fake baby voice. Now I’m actually 20 in biological age terms (shut up, not explaining!) so I guess I’m just over being a teenager even though I still act mostly like that.

Q. What’s the hardest spanking you’ve ever had?

Physically, a few moments once in Texas just with a hand spanking for a minute or two. Emotionally, a few and usually with the same people I feel connected to and look up to.

Q: Do you watch porn?

No

Q: Is spanking sexual for you?

Not at the time because my mind is on the whole reason why I’m being spanked and the pain in my bottom!. I hate having to justify this because some people who wanted me to feel sexual from their spanking eluded that I don’t like sex at all. I do like sex, but only want it with someone I deeply fancy or crush on, or it just happens, and not with just anyone who is spanking me. I have preferences like anyone else and I can get turned on outside of being spanked.

Q: Would you say you’re asexual then?

I had to look up these terms on Fetlife and “Asexual” (Asexual) refers to “the lack of sexual attraction to others, which can be considered a sexual orientation or the absence of one”.

I do like sex so maybe I just haven’t been attracted to the right people in the spanking scene, since I keep getting asked these things by you lot!. I am attracted to some people but need to feel another type of connection first, like emotional or romantic or huge intellect, before I feel interested in sex..if that makes sense? I don’t look at anyone and immediately think of sex unless they are totally fit and hot and it just happens with a few of the right trigger words (which it has!). The most might be i want hugs or a kiss to feel close and get vibey, but usually i’d wanna spent way longer knowing them and having feelings before anything physical. It’s even more complicated now for me because I’m as attracted to some women as I am to men and that is something I’m trying to understand, so i have no idea where that puts me on the scale while I’m exploring. I might even feel more sexual when I’m being spanked by a woman, since I prefer watching F/f clips much more lately 🙂 I’m so confused, leave me alone while it just happens! 🙂

If you are not in Fetlife, feel free to ‘Ask Me Anything’ here too in the comments.