I’m so glad to see the back of 2023! I pushed myself way too hard, moved miles away on a whim and it’s been full of every emotion possible but I’m still here for you and happier today!

I launched my Loyal Fans site and uploaded the first films to Spanking Library so I am actually now officially fully back again making it up as I go along doing TTWD! I also had to start an Only Fans page too as I needed to be tagged so that anything I have done with others I am content sharing with, means they can easily mention this girl and who knows, someone out there might want to check me out too! I advertised for some co-star performers (male or female disciplinarian types) who want to appear in some films with me, but so far aside from hundreds of inane comments about my bottom, how hard can I take it, or do I switch ..the short list is very short! Luckily I have a small family of wonderful and caring people around me I trust to look after me. All of them seem to know what’s best for me so I no longer argue as much, or at least not so they can see my eyerolling and complaining to my family of bears!.

Anyway, I also attended two parties recently which were different types of fun. One was the British Spanking Party in Walsall and the other a local event here in downtown Kent. The BS Party was great to be able to catch up with old acquaintances and make new ones. I went with my lovely friend Lottie who is still my bestie in the scene and like a sister, so we look out for each other. I did get spanked at the BS party but a lot of the guests were coupled up, and others who later said they were there and friended me, didn’t actually get to cut through my ‘spanking model’ aloofness enough to come over and start talking. I mean how can I brat and earn a spanking without any solid ammunition?! I didn’t really go there to play much anyway, but it was a helluva long train trip for me with my eye health issues nowadays and wore me out sitting on trains for hours. We did go to the BBB on the following day though, and both came away with small leather spanking paddles to put in our bedrooms that will probably get used soon on our bottoms.

The local party was initially billed as a FemDom gig but turned into a school event. I went along last minute dot com style with Mr Watts and without my uniform to support my Aunt Clara (Miss Matthews) and meet the famous pupil Annabelle Troublemaker. Both awesomeness personified of course and the party was amazing, so the next one will be packed out even more I think! The lessons were good and Miss Matthews and Miss Adams (the lovely Miss Portia) were brilliant teachers. We even had a yummy and healthy veggie salad to keep us fit enough to run around the playground and bike sheds afterwards (metaphorically speaking..it was way too cold this time)! Of course there were spankings and canings and a detention room for the naughtiest pupils, and end of year school reports since 2023 had just finished. Mr Watts (the School Governor) was also there to give out spankings to the girls, including poor me, and the Head Boy spanked poor Annabelle while we all looked on at her very red bottom! I did get caned too for my behaviour by Miss Matthews and also got this Whangee cane thingy tested on my sore bottom. As this was all such a huge success I’m looking out for news of the next one since I hope they will still be close to me (which might mean bedtime spankings after school too), and I can get out of bed and change into my School Uniform as late as possible before the bell rings! There is another private party soon at Bishy Towers soon, so I hope to catch up with my spanking friends new and existing and hope we can shoot some content over the days.

I had a bit of a meltdown last week as my head is a bit mixed up now again about relationship lines between what I need in my real teenage head life and the performances as a spanking model. I have always struggled with this and have to hide how it feels for me and what is in my head, alongside other confusions and curiosities I have about what I actually want and whether I can balance it all out. I am either on a high or on a low, and apart from when I had a mentor I have rarely been balanced and organised and able to put things into neat little boxes, so I totally burn myself out with angst and the pressure of stress that I need days in bed with my bears to be a recluse. Growing up and being like me is horrid.

I miss Dr Williams sometimes but I realised he was just someone who helped me balance myself out with rules and strict accountability so I was happy and healthy too. I did think I fancied him for just a minute once, but the next minute realized it was what he did to me physically with spanking I was attracted too rather than him, because he was totally not my type at all. That’s a problem a lot of young people teenagers, Middles (and Littles) have I think when we get carried away by people who are good at making us feel special but aren’t really interested in us as ourselves and don’t get it, but just spanking our bottoms and more if they can get it!

It’s the reason I leave the ‘scene’ and go back to things that make me really happy and safe from myself, and I’m even reading again so it helps even though i don’t have rules about it anymore. I know I need discipline and rules, but it’s hard to find the right situation without someone wanting more and to own me. Men I mean, so I kinda feel I’m done with them a lot of times, and I’m unsure of where I am now. I’m capable of giving more but question myself a lot. Giving back has to come from me too because I want to, and not because of the pressure to perform or because it’s convenient.

Now I’m just keeping an open mind and not promising anything to anyone and being happy on my own and growing my friendships and seeing how it goes. I like that freedom to find out for myself and meet lots of people, because it’s all too big for me to know. I would rather be on my own forever and not in any special DD situation with anyone who isn’t in my life enough to help me with my behaviour or I don’t have the right connection I need, because I’m too scared to get it wrong and upset them. I’ve always also been scared to admit to someone how I feel about them in case I end up feeling like a ninny, which means I probably miss out on things I want and need just to save face. I’d rather they just told me what I need and how its going to be so they take the chance, and if it’s the right person I hope they will already know anyway how I see them.

I hate it being like a tick sheet or competition when I don’t even know myself what’s right for me. I can only go by the feel of things and my feelings in a headspace way when I’m in someone’s change. It’s safer sometimes just to have one-off situations and more casual fun, even though it doesn’t help me at all or give me what I really need as a growing young lady but hey ho I’m boring myself now writing this whingy stuff!!. I am very happy to have a great fun variety life if it’s less complicated than trying to have it all together in one relationship. I’m happy though, and hopeful that things will work out for themselves, and if not, I’m enjoying finding out.